Pligget

Here's a fine to-do.

I was up in the loft yesterday morning, preparing to move a whole load of clutter up there to make way for a party tonight. Muggins here (you wouldn't think I was a rocket scientist) had propped a ladder up against the loft hatch in my bedroom ceiling. As I started down the ladder for the third time, it slipped. Yes - I, a man with a brain the size of an asteroid, had just leant an unsecured ladder against the side of the loft hatch and relied on the bottom not slipping on the, er, polished oak floor....

Imagine my bemusement as I suddenly felt the ladder go, the edges of the hatch clobber me on the elbows and chest, and then a pause. Just as I was beginning to register the sensation of air rushing past me, it stopped. With an impressive thumping sound I landed full on my back - on the fallen ladder. Then it went something like this:

"Hmm. That hurt.... Think I'll lie here for a bit.

"Let's take stock:

"Lots of pain in my back,

"tingling in my fingers. That must be funny-bone stuff from the sore elbows....

"Apart from that I'm OK. No drowsiness. No dancing lights. No shadowy figure with a rusty scythe.

"This is survivable.

"Ah! - can't inhale very far. Breathing very shallow.

Let's try the voice:

"Hmm. Sounds very croaky. I'm lying on the ladder, so there may be the odd rib poking where it shouldn't.

"How's the spine? Did that discectomy I had three years ago hold up?

"That's encouraging. Legs and arms all OK. Fingers a bit tingly, but all moving well.

"Try moving head. Gently.

"Whaddaya know. That's OK too."

"So... in summary... everything seems OK apart from great pain across back, especially when I breathe....

"An ambulance would be good at this point. Ah... problem. I'm the only one here.

"Call partner - she has a key, so can let herself and the paramedics in.

"Feel in right pocket for cellphone..... Oh you beauty! Don't let anyone tell you they're not useful bits of kit.

"Damn. Her phone's switched off. Who does that? Bugger.

"OK. What now?

"Well, there's no way my life's worth the cost of repairing a burst doorframe - better try to get up.

"Just roll sideways a bit to get the ladder out from under..... oooh! That's..... aaahh..... there. Phew.

"What's this? The laundry basket.... Coming apart... Must have broken my fall a bit.

"Ok, on my side now. Ribs HURT.

"Remember the drill for getting up after your back operation... Take the weight on your arms. Get up onto all fours..... This is more pain than I can remember....

"There, now pull yourself up on the bathroom door handle.... Kneeling now. Everything seems OK. No extra pain anywhere...

"One final heave..... On my feet.

"No dizziness. Oooh. Ribs hurt when I walk, but that's about it. Looks like I've got away with it."

"Breathing still very shallow... better call an ambulance anyway.

(This was when drama mode kicked in. I thought I'd almost certainly punctured a lung, so I'd be in hospital for days, if not weeks.)

"Better grab a few essentials. Put things in my back-pack. Ipod, of course. Look for a book - no, read that one - oh, can't be arsed.

Then the paramedics arrived. Took a look at me, noted that there were a few scratches on my back and a scuff on the left elbow. In the end I had a rather painful trip in the ambulance to the hospital, and X-rays showed no rib or lung damage. Blood gas was fine - so no shortage of oxygen in the blood due to breathing difficulty. Blood pressure and pulse were normal.

End of drama.

My partner had taken the rest of the day off, bless her, and carried my redundant (and very heavy) backpack out to the taxi home. I was very sore and bruised, but I was going to be fine.

I spent yesterday afternoon phoning and emailing everyone to postpone the party. I had a brainwave in the taxi home, and a part of the email went like this:

for all of you who are now suddenly at a loose end tomorrow night, I have a request to make:

I want you to think about what you would do if you suddenly had a free Saturday night, and could do anything you wanted. It might be a night of dancing, a romantic meal out, a trip to the theatre or cinema, a cosy night in with a good movie, a country B&B, an evening with friends (you should know a few other people who are suddenly free tomorrow night too...), or just an opportunity to sort something out that needed sorting but you were putting off. How about a phone call to that person you haven't spoken to for ages?

My request is that you do whatever it is. Don't let the evening be wasted. I then want you to let me know what you chose to do, and what you got out of it. That way, I'll know that I created a memorable evening for everyone anyway.

Sorry about the last minute change. Hope to see you all on the new date, and to hear from you all about your fantastic Saturday evening.

Lots of love,

I feel quite proud of that. A few people have already responded with ideas for what they're going to do.

What would you do, if you suddenly had a new lease of life and a free evening in which to follow your heart?

Toulouse

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